As people set their New Year’s resolutions for 2023, many are unwittingly sabotaging themselves by basing goals on negative emotions. Experts suggest that connecting with your inner child might be the solution to creating more sustainable and positive goals.
The problem begins when individuals craft resolutions rooted in regret, fear, and shame rather than positive motivation. This negative foundation often leads to abandoned goals and renewed self-criticism, creating a cycle that repeats year after year.
The Problem with Shame-Based Goals
When goals originate from a place of shame or regret, they carry an emotional burden from the start. These negative emotions can trigger defense mechanisms that make achieving the goals more difficult.
For example, someone who sets a weight loss goal because they feel ashamed of their body may find themselves engaging in self-sabotage. The goal itself becomes a reminder of the negative feelings they’re trying to escape.
Psychologists point out that this approach creates an internal conflict where one part of the self is attacking another part, making progress nearly impossible.
How Inner Child Work Can Help
The concept of the “inner child” represents our emotional, vulnerable self that holds our core wounds and unmet needs from childhood. By acknowledging and connecting with this aspect of ourselves, we can create a more compassionate approach to personal growth.
When setting goals for 2023, experts recommend asking what your inner child needs rather than focusing on what you think is wrong with you. This shift in perspective can transform goal-setting from a punitive exercise to a nurturing one.
The inner child can serve as an ally rather than a target of criticism. By “defending yourself from yourself,” as some therapists describe it, you create internal harmony instead of conflict.
Creating Healthier Resolutions
To create more effective goals for 2023, consider these approaches:
- Focus on adding positive elements to your life rather than punishing yourself for perceived shortcomings
- Ask what would make your life more joyful rather than what you should fix
- Consider what you would tell a child or friend who was struggling with the same issue
- Recognize when your goals are coming from external pressures rather than authentic desires
Mental health professionals suggest that goals based on self-compassion are more likely to succeed than those based on self-criticism. When we approach change with kindness toward ourselves, we remove the internal resistance that often derails our efforts.
“When you set goals from a place of self-acceptance rather than self-rejection, you’re working with yourself instead of against yourself,” explains one therapist who specializes in inner child work.
As 2023 begins, taking time to examine the emotional foundations of your resolutions might be the most important step toward achieving them. By making your inner child an ally in your growth journey rather than the target of criticism, you create the internal support system needed for lasting change.
The most successful goals, it seems, might not be about changing who you are, but about healing the parts of yourself that have been carrying pain and shame. In this way, personal growth becomes an act of self-care rather than self-correction.